im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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