im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
