I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
