ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
