Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
