I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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