he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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