What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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