i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize