in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
