he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
