I puked a lego.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
