sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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