Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
