i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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