Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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