Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
