I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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