I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
