yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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