She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
