hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
