Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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