I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
