We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
