tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
