Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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