we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
