dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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