Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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