I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
