4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am puke
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
