I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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