wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
