So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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