Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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