I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
