It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
