every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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