Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
