Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
