I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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