Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
