o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
