Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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