Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
