My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it glows. i had to have it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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