There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
