your thong is hanging out like whoa
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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