thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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