it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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