Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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