Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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