Whod you bang
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
