dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize