he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
