We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
