Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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