I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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