After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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