Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
