I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
