so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
