Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
