I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
