woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
