worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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