you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
