New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize