Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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