If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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