i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
