I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
