i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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