I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
someone owes me an orgasm
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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