We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
