Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
